While you all were watching the BET Awards IM WORKING...lol, (I watched too) I've been so emotionally sensitive lately, very connected, awareness heightened, focus made clear, opportunities present and blessings flowing, recieving all this has been so overwhelming. When I get overwhelmed, particularly when things are going exceptionally well two things happen I...
1) Bask in the presence of blessings and success and move forward
2) Self sabotage and revert back to past experiences/mindsets
I've been working, no literally I've been working so much my knees told me today, I need more comfortable shoes, I could feel the pain shooting from my knees up my legs...but I'm saving for a new apartment so the grind is necessary. I ride the metro, I could be more mindful of my time so I'm not beating down the block to catch the bus. I've apologized excessively to my knees and my feet. I'm learning how to save my money, which has always been an issue for me, I'm growing up. These are growing pains...The old me is constantly rejecting my new mindset, daily. I've been tempted to blow my apartment money, quit working, give up on my plans, and seek comfort in old relationships, its crazy.
I am also an emotional eater, 93 percent of my diet is clean living foods, the other seven is Pizza, Perry's Ice Cream, Ms Fields Cookies and Lanovas BBQ wings. I indulge every now and again but when I fall into this limbo of moving forward vs self-sabotage I could eat that seven percent for 2 days, 5 days or for a week straight. I told myself ugh...ugh not this time, I see the pattern, I see whats going on and I don’t care (talking to my old self/mindset), I will fight through the uncomfortable growing pains, break through my past and become the best version of myself. Yes, today I had cookies and pizza but I'm not going to fall into the natural habit of eating myself into comfort. I lost 40 lbs in the last 10 months and I'm not about to jeopardize my progress. IAM CHAMPION. IAM moving FORWARD.
Now, I do believe in occasional retail therapy, got my sights set on some eyewear... I get my nails done or my polish changed if I need to lift my spirits...today I happened to run into a Henna Artist and decided to get inked up. She explained to me that Henna is done in her culture for celebrations, baby showers, and weddings. Afterwards, at the bus stop a Somalian woman told me Henna was traditional in her culture for celebration and any other joyous occasions. My henna symbolizes my passage from irresponsibility to responsible, from dependent to independent, from baby girl to woman, from self-sabotage to embracing the new me. Self Love is the occasion.
There are cost free ways to balance emotional energy and eliminate self- sabotage...give thanks, count your blessings, call a friend or accountability partner, visit your favorite place, take a walk, write in a journal or work on a project/craft. Know the signs of self-sabotage, when it peeks its ugly head up…smash that thang with your emotional stabilizers Cuz, aint nobody got time for that.
Accept the blessings of an open heaven and bask in abundant positivity...from the Galaxy of #ALLTHINGSDOPE much love, as always.