Take it from Lauryn---It is not easy to break off a relationship with someone you thought was perfect for you-be it Friendship or Intimate Relationship...But, especially for Child Sex Trafficking Survivors like me, and Survivors of any other Traumatic Mental-Physical-Emotional Abuse---IT IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY!!! It will be of more detriment to you if you hold onto this parasitic force sucking your life energies dry and dimming your eternal shine. Think about it this way, if you are constantly watering a plant that will not grow-has shown no fruit or signs of energy-life-greenery NOTHING…what would you do?
You could keep the plant, watch it die and grow weeds but how depressing is that. Plus the stench death and dying will be emitted into your space and poison your aura. What's best is to throw that plant out. Throw it away-say God Bless and move forward. This how you have to view a dead relationship, where there is zero growth…it is dead weight-If you don't let go you will resent the relationship versus learning-growing from the divine lessons this connection was universally sent to teach you. Let go of what is no longer serving you!
Allow me to share three practical ways you can use to trash your dead relationships no longer serving you AKA let that dead sh!t has to GO!
1. KNOW WHY YOU NEED TO LET GO
All images via Google Images
Make a “Reasons Why I Have To Let __________ Go” List.
Write down every reason you need to let the relationship go. I say at minimum there should be 10 reasons why. If it’s a dead situation I’m sure you could probably come up with more but write at least 10. Take your time, make it as intimate, descriptive and personal as you can-be specific- so when you think you need the connection and go back to your list---you remember PRECISELY why you SHOULD NOT be involved with this person. This is not a pro’s and con’s list. Your “Reasons Why I Have To Let __________ Go” List is exclusively for every reason why should absolutely not be connected-involved in a relationship with said person.
2. KNOW WHAT YOU DO WANT
Focus on what you do want in a relationship. The universe will do its job and send us what we need most. These are standard and non negotiable for me in relationships and in friendships.
LOYALTYI learned to allow some flexibility in what my ideal partner looks like. We always think we know what's exactly best for us. Yea at one time, in my fantasy world my mate is 6’7 dark skinned with flawless skin, white teeth and the chiseled body of an Olympian Athlete---but will that man love like I want to, deserve to be loved? Will he be honest and openly communicate with me? Will he hold me captive to my past or will he unconditionally love and accept me? I’ve learned my emotional health is ten times more important than the physical appearance...dont get it twisted tho there has to be a physical attraction and he must know how to dress---Im way too photogenic and magical to be hiding!
3. KNOW YOU DESERVE ALL YOU DESIRE
You are DIVINE and MAGICAL. Stop downplaying yourself. Stop letting outside forces talk you in and out of relationships you know aren't good for you. You know what you are worth and what you deserve. Stop settling for wackness thinking someone has the potential worthy of you and your God-Goddess. When people show you who they are believe them. Though, some do a great job of “acting” in the beginning but once red signs pop up DO NOT IGNORE THEM. Listen to and use your intuition. I do not care how good the sex is or how much they buy you or what they tell you about you and how perfect you are for THEM. Once the words do not match the actions it's time to CUT IT.
You deserve all you desire. You will receive what you accept. Everyone does not deserve a seat at your table. Move on, you know what you want and you know you deserve what you desire. Do not accept anyone's bullshit, you are not a doormat! You are a Magical God-Goddess who deserves only the best!
Read-Share-Comment. Let us know how you got over and out of no good, toxic, draining relationships!!!
XO, till next time...
Rejection. Fear of the unknown. Different strokes for different folks. What do all these have in common? YOU! (Me too!) I was often rejected throughout my childhood (don't cry for me,lol) by my peers, and internalized that rejection into self hate. Tough pill to swallow, but let's be realistic, from early on we are "grouped" into clicks at school, church, even in our homes based solely on "popularity". Sometimes even on looks or what you can do "better" than someone else. If you are not in these groups than you become an "outsider" you have been rejected. Who you are and what you have to offer is not "good" enough for the click. How tragic is that, yet it is a societal reality. If you don't fit in, you get the boot!!!
I've been under the microscope lately, I mean down to a molecular level and have taken this time to really see me for me. Rejection hurt me, it stifled my growth in many areas. It made me afraid to try new things for fear of being, well...rejected. Not only that but as I stated earlier, I hated myself, it was like I never fit in. I didn't have the right style or the right words or the right look for the clicks so I was always outside looking in.
I know, I know boo whoo whoo...everybody gets rejected, yes! True. Here are five major truths I learned about turning rejection into confidence that I discovered on my transformation journey to IAM.
1) Rejection often times has a lot to do with differences. Different is beautiful, it separates you and indicates you have your own ideas, beliefs and understanding. Realize your differences make you Unique.
2) Embracing rejection will boost your confidence if you let it. Take the thing that makes you different "rejected" and build on it, master it, flaunt it...be you!
3) Rejection or non acceptance does not makes you less than or unworthy, NEVER QUESTION YOUR WORTH!.
4) If you do not connect (or no longer connect) with someone in a level you thought you should it is okay. Be okay and move forward. Those who we are meant to be in your life with will accept you whole heartedly.
5) You do not have to internalize rejection, it ain't always you boo. People will deflect their insecurities outwardly and you may be the receptor.
I can only imagine the difference in perspective I would have had if someone would have explained these tactics to me earlier on in life...p.s. People also reject what they don't understand, we are creatures of habit. When presented with something unlike what we know it is our humanistic nature to reject it. That's scientific, I'm not going to get too deep on y'all on a Thursday. We all face rejection everyday, through an unreturned sentiment simple as saying hello with no return or through more drastic expressions like break ups.
Through it all know this, it does not matter that you were rejected. It doesn't even matter who rejected you, or when and how you were rejected. What matters most is what you do with that energy. The best thing you can do is use it as fuel to boost your confidence and remain different. Cuz different is always better. Always. If you are hurt by rejection like I was, please take time to address that hurt, forgive and heal. It will never get better lest you look at it face to face for what it is and self love makes it all better! Trust me, I know, I've done it for myself...
HOW TO IGNITE YOUR INNER CREATIVITY
I needed some inspiration and was centered amongst other creative souls...Sometimes you just need to soak and float amongst the creative energy of others. It will ignite and feed your own inner creative...yup, thats it. We all need inspiration. Now GO DO SOMETHING CREATIVE!!!
Pure Ink Open Mic/Poetry Slam @ The Gypsy Parlor Buffalo, NY
October 25, 2015
HOW TO ELIMINATE SELF - SABOTAGE
While you all were watching the BET Awards IM WORKING...lol, (I watched too) I've been so emotionally sensitive lately, very connected, awareness heightened, focus made clear, opportunities present and blessings flowing, recieving all this has been so overwhelming. When I get overwhelmed, particularly when things are going exceptionally well two things happen I...
1) Bask in the presence of blessings and success and move forward
2) Self sabotage and revert back to past experiences/mindsets
I've been working, no literally I've been working so much my knees told me today, I need more comfortable shoes, I could feel the pain shooting from my knees up my legs...but I'm saving for a new apartment so the grind is necessary. I ride the metro, I could be more mindful of my time so I'm not beating down the block to catch the bus. I've apologized excessively to my knees and my feet. I'm learning how to save my money, which has always been an issue for me, I'm growing up. These are growing pains...The old me is constantly rejecting my new mindset, daily. I've been tempted to blow my apartment money, quit working, give up on my plans, and seek comfort in old relationships, its crazy.
I am also an emotional eater, 93 percent of my diet is clean living foods, the other seven is Pizza, Perry's Ice Cream, Ms Fields Cookies and Lanovas BBQ wings. I indulge every now and again but when I fall into this limbo of moving forward vs self-sabotage I could eat that seven percent for 2 days, 5 days or for a week straight. I told myself ugh...ugh not this time, I see the pattern, I see whats going on and I don’t care (talking to my old self/mindset), I will fight through the uncomfortable growing pains, break through my past and become the best version of myself. Yes, today I had cookies and pizza but I'm not going to fall into the natural habit of eating myself into comfort. I lost 40 lbs in the last 10 months and I'm not about to jeopardize my progress. IAM CHAMPION. IAM moving FORWARD.
Now, I do believe in occasional retail therapy, got my sights set on some eyewear... I get my nails done or my polish changed if I need to lift my spirits...today I happened to run into a Henna Artist and decided to get inked up. She explained to me that Henna is done in her culture for celebrations, baby showers, and weddings. Afterwards, at the bus stop a Somalian woman told me Henna was traditional in her culture for celebration and any other joyous occasions. My henna symbolizes my passage from irresponsibility to responsible, from dependent to independent, from baby girl to woman, from self-sabotage to embracing the new me. Self Love is the occasion.
There are cost free ways to balance emotional energy and eliminate self- sabotage...give thanks, count your blessings, call a friend or accountability partner, visit your favorite place, take a walk, write in a journal or work on a project/craft. Know the signs of self-sabotage, when it peeks its ugly head up…smash that thang with your emotional stabilizers Cuz, aint nobody got time for that.
Accept the blessings of an open heaven and bask in abundant positivity...from the Galaxy of #ALLTHINGSDOPE much love, as always.